ways to annoy the pirates
by PookieS
Summary: 2shot: title says it all
1. ways to annoy

Disclaimer: I own nothing! (except these really fuzzy striped socks...)

This was not only written by me, it was also written by a friend of mine and her friends at the indb forum.

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1)run around screaming "why's the rum gone?"

2)convince people that they are going to crew the Black Pearl, sell their souls to Davie Jones instead.

3)walk around saying "look an undead monkey while shooting the "monkey"

4)name animals Jack

5)constantly use the phrase "much more better"

6)insist on being called captain

7)get drunk and parade around singing A Pirate's Life Foe Me

8)check people's hands for the dark mark

9)pretend to be a cannibal

10)walk up to people and say "you look familiar, have I threatened you before?"

11)sing "I've got a jar of dirt, I've got a jar of dirt' all the time.

12)wear an eyepatch everywhere

13)add savy to the end of every sentence

14)whenever someone gives you something say "ooh, its still warm"

15)when shopping when someone can't find someone say "oh well, is it going to be bare breast and ankles then?"

16)invade people's personal space by getting unbelievably close to them

17)use really long sentences with words that mean the same thing to basically could have been said in five words

18)say aye when answering people

19)instead of writing ugh online, always write argh

20)whenever someone talks to you say 'but you have heard of me?"

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ok, my first Pirates fic (if this is considered to be a fic)

like it? not like it? think I'm insane?(you're probably right) Review anyway!


	2. what not to do at the premiere

Disclaimer: I own nothing( so don't sue!)

I DID NOT WRITE ANY OF THESE! They were all made by the people of the imdb forum!

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What not to do at the Premier of at the World's End:

1)Don't dress up as characters from Star Wars and spend the entire movie asking "Where are the Ewoks?"

2)If you insist on camping outside of your favorite movie theater, don't along your authentic replica of Captain Jack's pistol and ask everyone who passes if they have seen your un-dead monkey because you need to shoot something.

3)when being chased by a security guard don't yell "this is the day you almost caught..."

4)don't use said gun to threaten anyone who attempts to push in front of you while saying "I wouldn't do that if I were you love"

5)do not start a riot by shouting "I was told there would be rum!"

6)don't slip Johnny Depp your phone number

7)do not bring Johnny a jar of dirt as a gift

8)do not turn up wearing a cowboy hat and lasso with the intension of lassoing any celebrity that tickles your fancy

9)do not stand up and yell hysterically every time your favorite character comes on screen

10)the big screen is not interactive. it will do you no good to propose marriage to Captain Jack or anyone else. they cannot hear you.

11)don't show up with a big bucket of ooze, yell "Johnny over here" and then throw the ooze in his face yelling "look I'm the Kraken"

12)don't shout out loud "I love you Johnny"

13)don't dress up as a security guard and randomly joint the red carpet at the start just to get inside

14)if you are a guy-don't say to Johnny Depp that your compass works just fine and offer to demonstrate

15)do not go upto Johnny Depp and whisper in his ear "that suit really doesn't suit you at all, it should be a pirate suit or nothing and I happen to have no pirate suit in my cabin"

16)if there is an emotional kissing scene in the movie do not start laughing like a banshee or making throwing up sounds

17)don't shout out "there is a bomb in here" and evacuate the entire theater just so you can watch the movie by yourself

18)do not attempt to find Johnny, gag whoever is next to him, evict them from their seat and and take their place as though you had always been sitting there

19)if you do meet Johnny do not steal a lock of his hair and try to sell it on ebay

20)do not get dramatic at the end stand up and scream "it can't be over!"

21)don't go up to the actor that plays Cotton ans stick your tongue out at him, saying "I bet you can't do this"

22)do not dress up as the Kraken and attempt to eat Johnny

23)do not carry around a large cardboard cutout of any of the character claiming that they are your date

24)don't go up to Orlando Bloom and say "now that Elizabeth's with Jack can I marry you?"

25)don't go up to Johnny Depp and ask for one of his dreadlocks

26)do not start moaning loudly at Johnny while everyone is quietly munching their popcorn

27)don't walk out of the premiere and say "I can't believe that nuclear device went off and killed everyone in the Carribean

28)don't not bathe for a week so that you can go to the premiere smelling like a pirate

29)do not shout out "you need to find yourself a girl mate" at Orli and then offer yourself as the girl for the job

30)do not give Naomi Harris (Tia Dalma ) some orbit gum and then say "got a dirty mouth? clean it up with orbit white"

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thank you people from imdb! These are great (my favorite was the last one)

I'll pass any reviews on to them


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